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THE TOP 7 SIGNS OF SELF-SABOTAGING BEHAVIORS
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1.Focusing on what is not working or not right.
Problem: Finding that you think a lot and speak a lot about
what is going wrong can make you feel dissatisfied and can
quiet your sense of purpose and ambition. Notice how often
you speak about things that aren't working.
Action: Ask yourself a new question: "What's going right?"
or "What IS working?" Begin to notice all the things, no
matter how small, that are working well. Keep an evidence
journal and each day write down everything, I do mean
everything, that is working. Change your way of thinking!
2.Being stuck in fear.
Problem: Do you worry a lot about the future and what is
going to happen or might happen? Are you thinking about
your fears so much that you are paralyzed and take no
action because of fear of what might occur?
Action: It is time to put your focus on the present. We
can't control or predict the future or other people's
behaviors. All we can control is our own, right here, right
now. Ask yourself the question "What is the worst thing
that could happen?" Then, let go and know that it isn't in
your hands to control the future and that rarely do the
scenarios we create in our heads occur. Use the wonderful
Serenity Prayer and actually write down the things you can
not change, the things you want courage to change, and
accept that the Universe, God, Spirit, whatever you call
it, is the ultimate guide and you are not able to control
the future. Relax, breathe and trust that the Universe will
take care of you - it always does.
3.Feeling you have no value.
Problem: Do you forget all your accomplishments and lack
pride in who you are and what you have accomplished? If you
stew and obsess about the past or your lack of success or
lack of goal achievement, then you'll be stuck in noticing
how much you lack as a person. If you often criticize
yourself or can't accept compliments, you aren't allowing
yourself to love yourself.
Action: You can choose to notice what you do that is good
and that you can be proud of, no matter how small it may
seem. Each day keep a log of what you are grateful for
about YOU. When you hear your "inner coach" or inner voice
telling you what you haven't done right or well, turn down
the volume on it and turn on the volume to hear the voice
that knows the TRUTH about who you are and how you add
value to the world. Acknowledge yourself for at least 5
things each and every day that you did well. Each day,
compliment yourself on something you did that you feel good
about. Notice your small successes and let compliments
others give you flow into your bones.
4.Comparison of self to others.
Problem: Do you constantly compare yourself to others and
then feel badly when compared to them? Comparison doesn't
motivate us to do more or be better, instead it makes us
feel we'll never be good enough and we aren't right now.
Action: Write out the 5 qualities you like best about
yourself. Then write out what you value most in your life.
When you go to a place of comparison, notice how similar
you are with the other person vs. what is different. Begin
to create a list of adjectives that describe you - at least
25 positive words about your greatness. Whenever you notice
yourself in a comparison mode, think of some of the
adjectives that describe YOU.
5.Meeting goals and then losing them.
Problem: Do you not believe that you deserve to accomplish
goals and that you are entitled to what you want? What is
the story underneath - maybe that you aren't good enough to
have it?
Action: List all the things you have accomplished that then
faded away. Simply notice these things with love and pride
and don't focus on the fact they disappeared. How did they
bring you satisfaction? How did they make you feel? What is
the limiting belief that you have that tells you inside why
you can't have what you want? Be quiet, be still and listen
to it. Write down how you felt when you had accomplished
the goal. Write down how you feel now, without the goal.
Then write a "bridge belief": A very, very small belief
that feels a little bit better than what you now feel. Each
week, create a new bridge, that you can really believe. By
using these bridges as stepping-stones, you'll shift your
limiting beliefs slowly and be on the other side of the
bridge and able to maintain it because you will have a new
belief inside of you.
6.You chase away relationships.
Problem: Do you always feel something is missing in your
relationships or find fault with the other person? Perhaps
you are afraid of intimacy. Underneath this is usually a
fear of abandonment or exposure that causes you to distance
yourself from others.
Action: Create a list of the qualities you value in a
relationship and the qualities you want to attract in your
partners. Cultivate connections you have with people.
Express what you want and don't want to the other person
and allow them to express the same to you. Create time to
acknowledge the other person on a regular basis. Notice
when you feel afraid and let the fillings be - accept them
and allow them to sit there. Don't try to push them away.
Know that the feelings are there and that is fine. Focus on
what feels good about the relationship.
7.Having no purpose.
Problem: Do you feel you have no reason for being? No
purpose in life? We all have some purpose for being on the
planet and it is time to notice yours.
Action: Write down all the things that are important to you
(include possessions, people and feelings). Then write out
what you want to contribute to the world. From your
writing, create a statement of purpose for yourself that
you can read each and every day. Add spirituality to your
life. Give to others, give to the world and feel great
about it. Make regular contributions to people and
community. To give is to receive. Give, give, give and
you'll feeeeeel your life purpose begin to resonate.
-Terri Levine
President, Comprehensive Coaching U- As Seen In The Wall
Street Journal Author of BESTSELLER, Work Yourself Happy &
Coaching for an Extraordinary Life
www.coachinginstruction.com
To read other articles like this:
http://www.net-temps.com/careerdev/index.htm?type=contents
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